I've Made up My Mind

I had been in agony for weeks. How could I go back to work full time and leave my little girl? But how could I stay home and be the cause of mountains of debt? It was a horrible decision; it kept me up at night, distracted me during the day. I talked to everyone- family, friends, complete strangers- looking for advice. Everyone was very nice, but in the end it came down to this: I was the only one who could make the final decision. Not my family, not my friends, and certainly not random strangers.

I got my answer while listening to General Conference Sunday afternoon. None of the speakers said "Sarah, stay home with your child" or "Sarah, it's your duty to support your husband- get back to work". But every single speaker that session spoke about the importance of the family, of teaching and loving one's children. My answer came to me then. It is my responsibility (and Rob's) to raise my children. To teach them, love them, raise them to be good people. It's not my family's job, nor my friend's, and certainly not random stranger's. I kept in mind, though, that we are counselled to stay out of debt. Impossible in this situation, but I will help out as much as I can.

So, I'm working part time now. So is Rob. Where our schedules overlap, Isabella will be at the dayhome, but hopefully that won't be too frequently. The dayhome ladies I've met are nice, and I think being with them a little will help Isabella. Will help her to get over her stranger anxiety, teach her how to play with other kids, have her experience new things. Yes, in small doses, I'm okay with her being in a dayhome.

A pleasant side-effect of Rob watching Isabella while I'm at work is that he seems to like her so much more. He has always loved her, of course, but he didn't really know her that well. Now they're friends, buddies, playing and laughing together as she follows him around the house. Also, and bestly, Isabella is completely overjoyed to see me when I get home. Her face breaks out in a huge smile, and she crawls over to me as fast as she can. She's a lot more cuddly with me, content to sit on my lap and play quietly just so we can be together. It's wonderful.

I was meant to be a mother. It's the best thing in the world.