Conclusion

Do you see that title?  I don't know if a single word has ever made me so happy before.  

As you know, Tammy originally said that she couldn't watch Isabella next week because she's doing backup care for someone else.  In my search for a new day home a week ago, I ran across a lady (strangly enough, her name is Tammy, also, so let's call her Tammy II) who said she could watch Isabella up until October.  After settling things with Tammy I, Tammy II and I agreed on her watching Isabella just for the one week while Tammy I was unavailable.

I had my concerns about Tammy II.  She's a nice lady, but she has this dog, technically still a puppy, although it's much bigger than Isabella.  Tammy II is totally in love with her puppy, cuddling it like a baby, which is fine, I'm not going to judge, but the puppy is still being trained.  So while I was there it (he? she?) jumped on Isabella with typical puppy enthusiasm.  That kind of freaked her out, and she started to cry.  The puppy then licked her face, which didn't help, and very kindly raked it's sharp paws across her face, giving her a scratch from forehead to chin.  Needless to say, I wasn't pleased.  Tammy II agreed to keep the dog outside unless Isabella was sleeping or otherwise out of harm's way.

I rationalised that this less-than-ideal situation was only for one week, and anyway it was the best of my options (Isabella hated the other places the way she hated Monika's).  So Friday morning before work I called Tammy II just to make sure everything was set for next week.  She wasn't home; I left a message.

Friday night around 7pm Rob called me at work: he had left Isabella's lion at Tammy I's, could I please pick it up after work?  Oh, and Tammy II called and said she thought I wasn't coming and so had made other plans.

Sound familiar?  Monika said almost word-for-word the same thing a few weeks ago.  I was quite clear with both Monika and Tammy II...how does this keep happening to me?

So there I am on a Friday night, suddenly without a day home for all of next week.  The agency is closed until Monday, so I can't even call them for a backup place.  But it all worked out.  This is the conclusion, remember, not part IV.  Rob had mentioned to Tammy I that we didn't have a backup, and later that evening she sent an email to me asking for my schedule for next week.  It will be a little bumpy, and Rob will probably have to miss a class or two, but Tammy has rearranged her schedule so she can care for Isabella next week.  I told you she was a gem.

Now I don't have to worry about Isabella hating her care-giver next week and getting totally messed up over it.  I don't have to worry about her while she's with Tammy, either, because their relationship is progressing nicely and Isabella adores Tammy.

Nope, no worries.

Except: what if Isabella loves Tammy more than me?

My Moment... Maybe (aka Day Home Saga part III)

I may have had my Brigham Young Moment.  

Two days ago I dropped Isabella off for a trial morning at a new day home: Tammy's.  I met Tammy last Friday, and while her day home plans are not the most stellar I've seen, her home has a nice comfortable atmosphere: fun and relaxed.  Isabella took to her younger daughter right away (Tammy also has a daughter in school and a baby boy) and followed her all over the house while Tammy and I talked.  So despite Isabella's most recent reactions to being left with a stranger (ie Monika) I didn't feel much anxiety about her spending a few hours with Tammy.

Tammy is such a sweet girl.  We talked a little bit about which methods would be best to win over Isabella, but she seemed to know right away anyway.  I took the advice of my oldest sister and stayed for a little while, to kind of show Isabella that being friends with Tammy is fun.  Tammy played it cool, mostly staying in the background in a friendly way, smiling and talking to Isabella but not trying to hold her or make her do anything.

When I left, Isabella, of course, cried, but it wasn't the "you're tearing my arms off" crying that I was prepared for.  More like "hey my mommy's leaving and I don't like that, but I'll get distracted and forget about her soon".  

And, as it turns out, she did exactly that.  Well, mostly anyway.  She cried once in a while,but that may be because she's cutting three molars at once rather than a reaction to who she was with.  She even ate a little, as long as Tammy's daughter (I can't remember her name right now) was the one who fed her.  Promising, eh?

You may be asking "If Tammy is so great, why aren't you sure this is your Moment?  Why is this part III instead of the conclusion?"  Well, part of me is not sure this saga will ever be over, but mostly it's this: Tammy isn't available next week.  So I'm afraid that Isabella will just be getting comfortable with Tammy, then we'll rip her away and put her with someone else.  I don't know who that someone else is yet, so Isabella may hate her just like she hated Monika.  Perhaps after a week of this torture she will have forgotten Tammy or will just be resentful and so won't get along with Tammy any more.

I know my fears are silly.  Maybe I'm one of those moms who worries too much, or maybe it's stress carried over from the Monika days.  Whichever, or neither, I'm just glad I have such a great family.  They've been praying for me, offering support and advice, and letting me know that they love me and are thinking of me (and Isabella too, of course).  Some people may say it's just words, but it's not, not really.  They actually care, and knowing that they care helps me to make it through tough times.  Plus, they always give really great advice.  Truly, I was born into the best family ever.  

Part II of the Day Home Saga

A little forwarning here: I am suffering from a severe lack of sleep (Isabella is sick), so parts of this post or maybe all of it may not make sense to the average reader.

Weeks and months ago, I imagined the worse thing about putting Isabella in a day home would be that she would like someone else better than me.  And maybe it still is, but that would be a very different kind of pain than what I'm going through now.  While she was still at Monika's, it was causing me all kinds of anguish knowing that she was with someone she hated, but at the same time I felt a little...gratified, maybe? secretly happy?.. that she loved me best and I had the power to make her happy again.

It obviously wasn't working out with Monika.  Last Monday Monika called me at work.  She was at her wits' end; she couldn't handle Isabella anymore.  I could hear Isabella crying in the background.  Luckily, I have a boss who empathises with my situation, and she let me leave work early.  When I got to Monika's, I found out that Isabella had been waiting by the door all day, hoping that it would open and her mom would be there to take her away from that horrible place (Isabella's words, not mine).  When she saw me she held her arms out wide and ran towards me saying "hi mommy" in a tone that said "I was in the pits of despair but now I am saved!"; she gave me a tight hug.  

Monika, in a very roundabout way that was hard to follow, let me know that she wasn't happy with the situation.  And who can blame her for that?  I wouldn't like to be saddled with a kid who cried all day either.  Plus, her husband works nights, and since he couldn't sleep through Isabella's crying during the day, Monika had a cranky husband, too.  We decided we would keep Isabella there for the rest of the week, and if the situation still hadn't improved, I would look for another day home.

That was Monday.  

Tuesday morning Rob called Monika to let her know what time he was going to drop off Isabella, and Monika said she wouldn't take her.  Just like that, in a matter of minutes, we were out of a day home.  I was working full time, Rob was in school full time, we have no family in the area.  I was already at work when this happened, so Rob had no choice but to stay home from school.  He stayed home with her all week while I frantically looked for a day home that had availability right away.

Now, while I'm incredibly stressed out, I don't feel as bad as I did before.  I know that Isabella is with someone she loves and is not being traumatised.  It also feels good to be able to do something.  My search has been fruitless so far, but at least I'm not sitting at work agonising over something I can do nothing about, like I was when she was at Monika's.  I'm out searching, meeting with people, asking for advice, following leads.  All I need now is to find the right place.

I need a Brigham Young moment, where I can say with confidence, "This is the place."

You Asked For It...

...so here it is:  Isabella's first day at her day home.

This was last Wednesday.  To facilitate dropping off and picking up Isabella, Rob and I bought a beater a couple weeks ago.  That way if I have to work late or too early or whatever, Isabella can still be picked up.  We only have one car seat, though, so at first whoever dropped her off would then drop off the car seat at the house, so whoever was picking her up could use it (we have a better system now).

So on the Wednesday in question, Rob dropped Isabella off at Monika's house before going to school since I had to work early.  I was a wreck at work.  Isabella is very... I don't know the right word.  She loves her parents, and has a hard time getting used to anyone else.  The few times we've left her with 'strangers' (to her), though, she's cried for a few minutes, then gotten down to the business of playing and/or making a mess.  So while I was nervous about how her first day would go, I was mostly confident that it would work out.

It didn't.

I had to come home from work before picking up Isabella so I could grab the car seat.  Rob was home already, and told me that she was playing happily when he snuck out.  Good, I thought.  However, when I pulled up in front of Monika's house, even from across the street I could hear Isabella crying.  When she saw me, she ran across the room with her arms held out so I could hold her.  It took a long time for her to calm down enough to stop sobbing.  Her face was red and blotchy, her breath came in ragged gasps.  While I cradled my little girl, glad to have her with me again, Monika told me about her day.  It turns out that as soon as Rob left and Isabella discovered that neither of her parents were there with her, she freaked out.  She neither slept nor ate the whole day.  Just cried.  And cried.  And cried.  She tried to push Monika away whenever she came near enough.  I find Monika to be a very nice lady, and good with children, but for some unfathomable reason Isabella has taken an intense dislike to her.

Isabella clung to me for the rest of the evening (indeed, she hasn't stopped clinging yet, I nearly always need to be holding her now).  And while she clung, she ate.  And ate.  And ate.  It turns out that not eating for nine hours leaves her ravenously hungry.  She has a hard time sleeping now, too.

The next two days were more of the same.  I had had hopes that she would get used to it, maybe even enjoy playing with the other kids.  Now?  I don't know.  Friday morning as we walked up the steps to Monika's house, Isabella pulled back and clung to my leg.  I picked her up and continued on, and when the door opened, the waterworks started.  She held tight to me, her head buried in my shoulder, saying "no no no" over and over again.  When I put her down, ruthlessly pulling her little arms away from my neck, she howled like I had ripped her heart out.  I know I had mine.  I drove around the corner so she couldn't see me, but then had to pull over so I wouldn't be a hazard to the other cars on the road.  It was awful.  I've decided Rob will have to drop her off from now on; I can't go through that again.

So now I'm in a difficult place.  Ideally, Isabella will get over her aversion to Monika and I can continue working full time without the guilt of emotionally traumatising my child.  It was suggested to continue with Monika for another two weeks, but I don't think I could make it more than one.  So if the situation does not significantly improve in the next week, we'll look at other day homes.  Someone, maybe, will be similar enough to me that Isabella will be a little more comfortable there.  If not, I may have to only work in the evenings when Rob is at home, or not work at all. 

Whatever happens, I trust that we will find a way to make it work.  God will provide a way for us to eat and our child to be happy, if we are willing.

The Misunderstanding

Six days from now is Isabella's first day at a day home.  As I said before, I'm trying not to think about it.  However, when I got home from work yesterday Rob said "Do you want the good news or the bad news first?"  Like an idiot, I opted for the bad news.  It turns out that Monika, our day home lady, had called and said "she hadn't heard from us" and had therefore filled Isabella's spot at her home.  That was it.  I was confused, outraged, and slightly panicked.  I have been in regular contact with Monika's dayhome agent, have signed the contract even, so how in the world could Monika think I wasn't coming?  So there we were, six days from needing a day home, five of which we would be out of province.  That left us a single day to find a new dayhome and get the papers signed.  Maybe it's possible, maybe it's not, I don't know.  But it would have been incredibly stressful.

My day at work had been insanely busy.  So to hear this on arriving home... I needed to yell at somebody.  I called the dayhome agency, struggling to keep my voice even as I asked what the heck was happening.  Marlene, with whom I had signed the papers, was just as confused as I was.  Apparently she had talked to Monika only the day before and everything was all set to go.

To shorten a story that is starting to get a little long-winded, Marlene called Monika to find out what was going on.  It turns out it was all a misunderstanding.  Monika had gotten a call from someone needing temporary care, and she thought she had to take this other child in place of Isabella.

So I still have a day home.  No need to rush frantically around today trying to get something else arranged. But while everything may be straightened out now, I'm still left feeling rather put out.  Maybe I was secretly hoping for the day home to fall through so I'd have no choice but to stay home.  Or maybe I've just been so stressed out lately (which I have) that I need the release of yelling at someone.

I am really looking forward to this long weekend away.  A few days with family sounds perfect.