I was making myself some breakfast this morning when I heard a commotion outside. I looked out the kitchen window. The first thing I noticed was a group of people from the neighbourhood huddled together in a group on the sidewalk. Next, huge clouds of dark smoke. I followed them to their source: my neighbour's house. It made me gasp. Bright red flames leapt high into the sky. A couple minutes later a firetruck arrived, and then another. The firemen worked hard and bravely, but the wind was strong, whipping the flames into a frenzy. But for all that, it was over in a short period of time. Perhaps half an hour, or maybe 45 minutes. The firemen won, kind of. One third of my neighbour's house is now a skeleton of burnt wood and piles of ashes.
I'm glad this happened on a weekday, while the kids were at school. I'm glad that no one was hurt. Did they lose and irreplaceable treasures? Old photo albums, family videos, mementos? I hope not.
What would I do if it had been my house on fire? Would I panic, run around like a chicken with its head cut off? Would I be calm, purposeful, gathering what I could, and leaving the rest to burn? Would I be detached, just stand on the sidewalk and watch?
I hope I never have to find out.
Thursday, April 22
Wednesday, April 21
*Shift part III -- Teacher
(Before you read this you may want to go back and read parts I & II, posted Aug and Sept of 2009)
Tiernahk wanted to kill them all. The Doyenne were monsters, every single one of them. He was beaten for no reason, forced to live in a crowded shack by the stables, and given humiliating tasks. When he was fourteen he had watched in horror as his mother was killed by the overseer when she tried to protect a young child from an undeserved beating. Ever since that day he had seethed with rage inside. He wanted to avenge his mother, punish the Doyenne for their cruelty. Tiernahk had never been submissive, but now he was openly rebellious. He ate in the house, was late or didn’t complete his chores, he even dared to look Overseer in the face, and each time he was severely punished. No longer were his beatings unwarranted. Tiernahk had so much hate in him he could barely function.
His father tried to intercede, showing him the pointlessness of his fury, but Tiernahk was too angry to listen. His father had always been meek and obedient; his views meant nothing to Tiernahk. The other Vahrlet were shocked at his behaviour; they also were model slaves. Was Tiernahk the only one who cared? How could they be so calm and docile after such maltreatment? Where were their feelings? While the rest of the Vahrlet were not pleased with their situation in life, they never thought of resisting; the very idea, when brought up by Tiernahk, made them clumsy and confused. It made no sense. Why was he different?
When Tiernahk was eighteen he received a surreptitious message. It was the first time he had ever seen his fellow slaves do anything against the rules. He didn’t know who it was from - was it a trap?- but Tiernahk never doubted that he would go.
The building was obviously very old. The stone was discoloured, the sides covered in ivy. It looked small and unimportant, yet somehow it radiated a sense of consequence. Tiernahk ran his hand along the stone. The building may have been old and neglected on the outside, but something very important was inside.
“I am Halvhar, keeper of the records,” the old man said. Records? Of what? The only records Tiernahk knew of were kept by the royal scribe, and were stored somewhere in the palace. Halvhar smiled at Tiernahk’s obvious confusion. “Long ago, many centuries ago, the Vahrlet ruled this world. This is our history, our heritage. When the Doyenne revolted, it was only with great difficulty that this building was saved, that this priceless treasure was not burnt.”
Tiernahk could only gape. His mind rebelled- had not the Vahrlet always been slaves? – but somewhere deep inside him it resonated. “Why me? Why doesn’t everyone know?”
“This information could do great damage in the wrong hands. When deemed ready, the current ruler of the Vahrlet is told, no one else. Except the Keepers, of course.”
“So then why are you telling me?”
“I’ve never known you to be slow-witted before, Tiernahk.” Halvhar smiled slightly.
“I’m the king? Do the Doyenne know?” Tiernahk’s mind raced. “Is that why I’m still alive?”
“They know you’re the king, yes. Otherwise your foolish behaviour would have guaranteed your death years ago. We decided not to tell you of your birth until you were a little older, ready to handle this information without it going to your head.”
Suddenly the fire within Tiernahk made sense, had a purpose. He would unite the Vahrlet and take over Aequo! They would get rid of the barbarian Doyenne; kill them, enslave them, it didn’t matter. Armed with this knowledge, the Vahrlet would surely win.
“Before you try to start a riot, young man, I think you should read these records. They contain much wisdom, explain many things. Don’t condemn thousands to death before you have all the facts.”
It was hard going at first. The records were very old. Some were written in a shaky hand, others had strangely formed letters that were hard to decipher. Tiernahk spent every moment he could in the ancient building, struggling through stacks of paper. Most of the information he found was very boring; this nobleman married that princess, this year the crops were bad, or good, or maybe there was a drought, or a flood. But then Tiernahk found the final entries of the last Vahrlet king. In the days leading up to the Doyenne rebellion, he had felt weak, like a little bit of his strength left him every day. The others around him, too, seemed to be losing focus, getting confused over the simplest of tasks. The king had been annoyed, then increasingly alarmed. What was happening to his people? The Doyenne, on the other hand, were getting stronger. No longer were they the docile, well-behaved slaves they had been for centuries. And one day, the Doyenne banded together and took over Aequo. The king could only watch in shock and dismay as his own people were put into slavery, and many hundreds, perhaps thousands of them were killed. The records continued into their slavery, documenting the lineage of the Vahrlet and Doyenne kings and also covering major events in the Doyenne world. Tiernahk traced his own name lightly with his finger, written below that of his mother. He was a king, descended from a long line of kings. This changed everything.
But why? Why was there such a sudden shift in power? He didn’t believe in magic, but this certainly seemed like it; a sudden and complete change of fortune for each race. Perhaps it had even happened before. Tiernahk dug deeper, looking at older and older records in his search for answers. It would take time, he knew, years even. The records were ancient, discoloured, crumbling, written in strange characters he didn’t understand.
As Tiernahk investigated the past, he noticed a change in himself. It was gradual, but his rage lessened. Were not the Doyenne as much victims of circumstance as he was? They had been slaves, too, and somehow all their hate had transferred down through each generation, to be taken out on their age-old enemies. He couldn’t blame them for being angry, not when he had felt the same way.
Felt? Tiernahk realised he had used the past-tense. But he was right, he wasn’t angry anymore. He had always considered Allatea different than the rest of the Doyenne, almost like she wasn’t one of them. Now he began to see the same things he admired about her in others of her race. They were a spirited people, lovers of art, music, and philosophy. It was a perfect contrast with the Vahrlet, who treasured math and science, nature and architecture. What a wonderful combination, the two races together! Tiernahk could almost see Aequo grow in knowledge and culture.
It could never be. The Doyenne were too steeped in their tradition of hatred, the Vahrlet too dimmed by their slavery. He would keep searching. The records covered many hundreds of years, there must be answers therein. Tiernahk was determined. He would find out why the shift had occurred, and how it could be fixed. Someday, somehow, he would free the Vahrlet from slavery.
Tiernahk wanted to kill them all. The Doyenne were monsters, every single one of them. He was beaten for no reason, forced to live in a crowded shack by the stables, and given humiliating tasks. When he was fourteen he had watched in horror as his mother was killed by the overseer when she tried to protect a young child from an undeserved beating. Ever since that day he had seethed with rage inside. He wanted to avenge his mother, punish the Doyenne for their cruelty. Tiernahk had never been submissive, but now he was openly rebellious. He ate in the house, was late or didn’t complete his chores, he even dared to look Overseer in the face, and each time he was severely punished. No longer were his beatings unwarranted. Tiernahk had so much hate in him he could barely function.
His father tried to intercede, showing him the pointlessness of his fury, but Tiernahk was too angry to listen. His father had always been meek and obedient; his views meant nothing to Tiernahk. The other Vahrlet were shocked at his behaviour; they also were model slaves. Was Tiernahk the only one who cared? How could they be so calm and docile after such maltreatment? Where were their feelings? While the rest of the Vahrlet were not pleased with their situation in life, they never thought of resisting; the very idea, when brought up by Tiernahk, made them clumsy and confused. It made no sense. Why was he different?
When Tiernahk was eighteen he received a surreptitious message. It was the first time he had ever seen his fellow slaves do anything against the rules. He didn’t know who it was from - was it a trap?- but Tiernahk never doubted that he would go.
The building was obviously very old. The stone was discoloured, the sides covered in ivy. It looked small and unimportant, yet somehow it radiated a sense of consequence. Tiernahk ran his hand along the stone. The building may have been old and neglected on the outside, but something very important was inside.
“I am Halvhar, keeper of the records,” the old man said. Records? Of what? The only records Tiernahk knew of were kept by the royal scribe, and were stored somewhere in the palace. Halvhar smiled at Tiernahk’s obvious confusion. “Long ago, many centuries ago, the Vahrlet ruled this world. This is our history, our heritage. When the Doyenne revolted, it was only with great difficulty that this building was saved, that this priceless treasure was not burnt.”
Tiernahk could only gape. His mind rebelled- had not the Vahrlet always been slaves? – but somewhere deep inside him it resonated. “Why me? Why doesn’t everyone know?”
“This information could do great damage in the wrong hands. When deemed ready, the current ruler of the Vahrlet is told, no one else. Except the Keepers, of course.”
“So then why are you telling me?”
“I’ve never known you to be slow-witted before, Tiernahk.” Halvhar smiled slightly.
“I’m the king? Do the Doyenne know?” Tiernahk’s mind raced. “Is that why I’m still alive?”
“They know you’re the king, yes. Otherwise your foolish behaviour would have guaranteed your death years ago. We decided not to tell you of your birth until you were a little older, ready to handle this information without it going to your head.”
Suddenly the fire within Tiernahk made sense, had a purpose. He would unite the Vahrlet and take over Aequo! They would get rid of the barbarian Doyenne; kill them, enslave them, it didn’t matter. Armed with this knowledge, the Vahrlet would surely win.
“Before you try to start a riot, young man, I think you should read these records. They contain much wisdom, explain many things. Don’t condemn thousands to death before you have all the facts.”
It was hard going at first. The records were very old. Some were written in a shaky hand, others had strangely formed letters that were hard to decipher. Tiernahk spent every moment he could in the ancient building, struggling through stacks of paper. Most of the information he found was very boring; this nobleman married that princess, this year the crops were bad, or good, or maybe there was a drought, or a flood. But then Tiernahk found the final entries of the last Vahrlet king. In the days leading up to the Doyenne rebellion, he had felt weak, like a little bit of his strength left him every day. The others around him, too, seemed to be losing focus, getting confused over the simplest of tasks. The king had been annoyed, then increasingly alarmed. What was happening to his people? The Doyenne, on the other hand, were getting stronger. No longer were they the docile, well-behaved slaves they had been for centuries. And one day, the Doyenne banded together and took over Aequo. The king could only watch in shock and dismay as his own people were put into slavery, and many hundreds, perhaps thousands of them were killed. The records continued into their slavery, documenting the lineage of the Vahrlet and Doyenne kings and also covering major events in the Doyenne world. Tiernahk traced his own name lightly with his finger, written below that of his mother. He was a king, descended from a long line of kings. This changed everything.
But why? Why was there such a sudden shift in power? He didn’t believe in magic, but this certainly seemed like it; a sudden and complete change of fortune for each race. Perhaps it had even happened before. Tiernahk dug deeper, looking at older and older records in his search for answers. It would take time, he knew, years even. The records were ancient, discoloured, crumbling, written in strange characters he didn’t understand.
As Tiernahk investigated the past, he noticed a change in himself. It was gradual, but his rage lessened. Were not the Doyenne as much victims of circumstance as he was? They had been slaves, too, and somehow all their hate had transferred down through each generation, to be taken out on their age-old enemies. He couldn’t blame them for being angry, not when he had felt the same way.
Felt? Tiernahk realised he had used the past-tense. But he was right, he wasn’t angry anymore. He had always considered Allatea different than the rest of the Doyenne, almost like she wasn’t one of them. Now he began to see the same things he admired about her in others of her race. They were a spirited people, lovers of art, music, and philosophy. It was a perfect contrast with the Vahrlet, who treasured math and science, nature and architecture. What a wonderful combination, the two races together! Tiernahk could almost see Aequo grow in knowledge and culture.
It could never be. The Doyenne were too steeped in their tradition of hatred, the Vahrlet too dimmed by their slavery. He would keep searching. The records covered many hundreds of years, there must be answers therein. Tiernahk was determined. He would find out why the shift had occurred, and how it could be fixed. Someday, somehow, he would free the Vahrlet from slavery.
Wednesday, April 14
I've Made up My Mind
I had been in agony for weeks. How could I go back to work full time and leave my little girl? But how could I stay home and be the cause of mountains of debt? It was a horrible decision; it kept me up at night, distracted me during the day. I talked to everyone- family, friends, complete strangers- looking for advice. Everyone was very nice, but in the end it came down to this: I was the only one who could make the final decision. Not my family, not my friends, and certainly not random strangers.
I got my answer while listening to General Conference Sunday afternoon. None of the speakers said "Sarah, stay home with your child" or "Sarah, it's your duty to support your husband- get back to work". But every single speaker that session spoke about the importance of the family, of teaching and loving one's children. My answer came to me then. It is my responsibility (and Rob's) to raise my children. To teach them, love them, raise them to be good people. It's not my family's job, nor my friend's, and certainly not random stranger's. I kept in mind, though, that we are counselled to stay out of debt. Impossible in this situation, but I will help out as much as I can.
So, I'm working part time now. So is Rob. Where our schedules overlap, Isabella will be at the dayhome, but hopefully that won't be too frequently. The dayhome ladies I've met are nice, and I think being with them a little will help Isabella. Will help her to get over her stranger anxiety, teach her how to play with other kids, have her experience new things. Yes, in small doses, I'm okay with her being in a dayhome.
A pleasant side-effect of Rob watching Isabella while I'm at work is that he seems to like her so much more. He has always loved her, of course, but he didn't really know her that well. Now they're friends, buddies, playing and laughing together as she follows him around the house. Also, and bestly, Isabella is completely overjoyed to see me when I get home. Her face breaks out in a huge smile, and she crawls over to me as fast as she can. She's a lot more cuddly with me, content to sit on my lap and play quietly just so we can be together. It's wonderful.
I was meant to be a mother. It's the best thing in the world.
I got my answer while listening to General Conference Sunday afternoon. None of the speakers said "Sarah, stay home with your child" or "Sarah, it's your duty to support your husband- get back to work". But every single speaker that session spoke about the importance of the family, of teaching and loving one's children. My answer came to me then. It is my responsibility (and Rob's) to raise my children. To teach them, love them, raise them to be good people. It's not my family's job, nor my friend's, and certainly not random stranger's. I kept in mind, though, that we are counselled to stay out of debt. Impossible in this situation, but I will help out as much as I can.
So, I'm working part time now. So is Rob. Where our schedules overlap, Isabella will be at the dayhome, but hopefully that won't be too frequently. The dayhome ladies I've met are nice, and I think being with them a little will help Isabella. Will help her to get over her stranger anxiety, teach her how to play with other kids, have her experience new things. Yes, in small doses, I'm okay with her being in a dayhome.
A pleasant side-effect of Rob watching Isabella while I'm at work is that he seems to like her so much more. He has always loved her, of course, but he didn't really know her that well. Now they're friends, buddies, playing and laughing together as she follows him around the house. Also, and bestly, Isabella is completely overjoyed to see me when I get home. Her face breaks out in a huge smile, and she crawls over to me as fast as she can. She's a lot more cuddly with me, content to sit on my lap and play quietly just so we can be together. It's wonderful.
I was meant to be a mother. It's the best thing in the world.
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